Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
