wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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