i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
