If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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