Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
