it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
