I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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