When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
