Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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