I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
