he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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