I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
