His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
