as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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