we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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