Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
