bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
