I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
