I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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