Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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