Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
