I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
