member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
They have beer where we have blood.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
