Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
