I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I will be naked everywhere
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
