Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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