Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
