i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
