This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
