the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
