Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
