I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
