Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
