He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
