dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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