i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
