i used baking grease as lip gloss
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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