Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
