i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
