i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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