my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
