Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
