im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
