My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
