Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
