Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
