So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we're so committed to being not committed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
