dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
