Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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