Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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