She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
