you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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