I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
