The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
