I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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