Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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