I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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